Psychedelic Porn Crumpets

"High Visceral (Part One)"

I have a confession to make…I hate the vinyl subreddit. I just cannot stand folks saying “finally found my white whale!” and then posting about some record that’s readily available if you’re willing to spend $100 which they scored for $80.

(literary side note: MONEY wasn’t what kept Ahab from getting Moby Dick, it was time and patience and scouring the entire fucking ocean for one specific whale)

(personal side note: I’ve never read Moby Dick, just guessing on that theory)

Furthermore, the faux expertise, condition preciousness (inner sleeve seam-splits?!?!?!) and general noobishness exhibited by a of the majority of posts straight up rubs me the wrong way.

Maybe one in a hundred threads is legitimately interesting to me. But still I read on…with a heart full of hate.

So late one night, a few weeks ago, I’d stumbled upon this post about Psychedelic Porn Crumpets.

https://www.reddit.com/r/vinyl/comments/63afyw/incredible_looking_variant_for_an_incredible/

Intrigued by the RIYL’s of King Gizzard and Meatbodies and not afraid of Australian shipping charges, I bought this and Rhubarb Jam LP direct from the label.

Discs arrived this week (a month for delivery…yeesh!) and was excited to put on the Crumpets LP. I’d always felt like I missed the boat on King Lizard and thought maybe I could get in on the ground floor with this seemingly similar band.

Vinyl color way is stunning and as a limited pressing (250 copies) everything seemed to line up perfectly.

Needle drops and I dig. Gnarly. Heavy. Just right. Like the original Shocking Blue version of “Love Buzz."

Then the vocals kick in…and something feels wrong. Like Sigur Ros vocals, only weirder and less intelligible.

Oh man…I’m playing this at 33rpm when it should be 45rpm.

I adjust the speed and…ugh, it sounds no bueno. The playing is way too fast. Almost like it’s a joke. I can’t take it. Someone give these guys some pot, put 5 pound weights on their wrists, drop tune their guitars, something ANYTHING to slow this down and chill it out. The ultimate takeaway is that it comes off like a less frenetic, less odd version, uncomfortably strident version of the Oh Sees at their amp’d up best.

Or…just listen to it at 33rpm and dig it like I’m doing now.